He is not capable of making decisions right now and it could be true that this was his exit A. Dont hate her just dont like wearing hearing aids all the time. It is possible I guess but how to know what is really going on with him? If you wish to enjoy more games like Runaway Bride Run in just a single click, see above in the "Also Included In" section for the different Bundles in which Runaway Bride Run is part of. They wished me a safe drive and let me leave. Didnt care what happened to him. But Im going to make that my daily mantra! As to the problems in the marriage, these problems have now been professionally diagnosed. Case in point hes with you and says YES to MC but 24 hours later he changed his mind. BlueSky I had a rubber mallet in my car. It helped A LOT! Hi ShiftingImpressions. It didnt go well. Make them sorry they ever crossed you. I tell myself I am a survivor. I already had 15 years and all the firsts. Hope you are doing well too and thank you for thinking of me. You must force yourself to eat food and to hydrate with water. Ill help him pack and wish him well and slam the door behind him. He acted completely out of character all of a sudden. Thanks anyway Dad. to try to understand what is going on with my husband. But it was a long hard 6 months that caused me to lose hope along the way. He is so dismissive and disrespectful and distant. I think you are wise to remove yourself from any contact that is not absolutely necessary. She had two little dogs that were very happy to see me I will say. And we need to hear other peoples stories.its all part of the healing. That may be a make or break moment. I thought of all of the people at work who heard about the break-up. He was def on the fence though. He would ask for D and I would say OK. (I did not know A had resumed and was on-going during that time either which would have made sense). I was just standing in the way of his true happiness (heavy sarcasm). Stay strong, stay positive and look good for this. No one around me gets it. And, Satori, theyll drag up crap that was insignificant from years ago and try to use it as another rationalization that they arent happy or you did something to hurt them. Physically, emotionally, spiritually you name it. I just feel helpless. My fair, rationally minded husband was gone. Yes I am very familiar with that gut punched feeling. Make this your new mantra. And H started telling me how E kept talking about his new crazy sex life. And that journey was a freaking roller coaster ride of epic proportions!! And like Vikki Stark, I thought he was talking about something mundane. He knew everything he had done and I hadnt gotten all the info yet. I told you that night I was getting dressed up to go out and LIVE IT UP!! Yeah, Imma let them finish. Thanks TryingHard. He proved it was me and we have worked through many reasons why I know this. You can tell they are there intact, but he cant give or receive emotions. They can help add to your happiness and love but it is not their responsibility. Our circle of trust and friends probably gets a little smaller after an affair. I was thinking the exact same thing you said too: why is my H so miserable, unhappy and under pressure etc? Yeah my h was that certain age where he was possibly feeling all that old age stuff. Vikki reports that she had no warning. Having burned up my keypad and at the risk of overstaying my welcome here, Im going to give you all a rest now. Yesterday the brief 6 day NC zone ended as we had work stuff to attend to. You have to think, what is it I want from him by challenging him? derivation Greek/ Latin; to dip ones quill in the wrong ink well] also, definition: An affliction usually limited to the penis and brain organ function; a disorder in which fatal effects may be observed on health, wealth and general prospects.. Just cant believe that people who stood there while we said our vows would not at least urge their son to suck it up and do the right thing by me. Im not proud of what I did. Im still pondering Christmas and the holidays generally. I simply cannot process why anyone would willing self destruct to this level. However, having so many alternatives expresses the need to settle on what you have and try to make the best of it. But maybe not thinking about H at all is a better approach! Runaway Bride Syndrome is not a sentence. To all that I say take that Golden SOB for as much as you can!! He wanted to know if I knew that I would be paying more for my insurance. It will not be an easy road. I supported her. Focus on God and pray for your partner. I dont think you do either is the problem. It was our only real source of conflict. He said why Im a really terrible person. They can be very effective and they do save lives. Its just a nightmare. I, of course was the lovely wife who helped her H move out. I hope you are well Puzzled, (And ShiftingImps, TryingHard, TheFirstWife, SarahP too). I know you are in the fight if your life and I keep hoping he signs the financial papers so at least you can move forward on that issue. Just a few days before his demand for a D. I am so sorry for you as you try to get through this awful situation. It cant be helped when, as you put it, the person you trusted the most is the most dangerous risk. Hope your good memories of your friend bring some relief to the sting of your loss. I was proud of myself. No more MC!! I look forward to laughing about it one day but now its a hell I have to keep going through. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. Its all a smokescreen to hide their betrayal. I hope your trip away will bring some clarity and energy for you. It has been building up with rants and fights over a period of about a week. He has had time to get his A in a place of functionality but it has not worked for me. It was at this time I discovered he had leased a place and was planning on leaving me. Something I talked about or thought about for 20 years. Im losing respect for H. The way he is behaving towards me, ignoring important texts about business stuff, the threats to quit, the continuous resentment etc feels abusive. My niece said you know this isnt helping right. I kind of had a DDay2 as he had deleted the OW contacts but then one week later she was back in touch with him and back in his phone as friends he maintained (but I dont believe it). Yikes, that was painful. There is a chance for a betrayed spouse to have some of his or her questions answered and to try to understand what happened. You have offered (and your family) to help him in so many ways. But the post nup came about 30 days after DDay2 when I was still very angry. And then he told me how angry he was for me. Not only that, as he was always doing the wrong thing but she had made him so it was time to bail. Too much onus on me the BS to pony up and be the good, responsible player even though Im the victim and falling apart. Your H is lying to himself and his family is buying in to his pity party. And it should be remembered that she herself is not without "sin. [7], On March 15, 2008, Wilbanks's ex-fianc, John Mason, married another woman, Shelley Martin, in a quiet ceremony at his parents' home in Duluth, Georgia. For whatever reason. UGH. No one works well without sleep. I view the 180 as saving yourself. The Runaway Bride Syndrome Friday, 24 February 2012 She'd been proposed to twice. I never spoke to my MIL again about my wifes affair, which began my silent suffering. You said Blah blah and hurt my feelings Do not be afraid, He is with. Uneasy. I dont believe I have ever requested to Doug and Linda how to run their blog. Its a cowards move. We dont know each other but we do know each other. She needs to repress and stuff all her feelings regarding anything to do with GoldenCHilds appalling treatment of her, just as we taught him to do since we do it with our feelings. 2. Its not a D as we have to wait a year for that due to our laws. ! I also saw lots of animosity. How strange to have to do all this with the person who you trusted the most and who is now the most dangerous risk of all to your emotional and financial health and wellbeing. Satori Ive been very open about it. The worst part is he keeps making them. Hi Satori- Its a crappy situation right now. But infidelity is a non negotiable. And yes, this is a safe space to vent, at least from my perspective. And sadly, they obviously do not truly have their own sons interests at heart either. Make an offer and then renege down the road! Omg Puzzled, I have actually had people tell me Chin up and you have to move forward and this one a personal favorite of mine Oh Satori, but youre so strong, youve got everything going for you, youre better off without him. At least if they died wed have that. But my focus after these financial releases is to get some treatment for the anxiety / ptsd. And I know now how people snap. Im not out of the woods yet. As to MY f bombs I have NEVER directed them at anyone personally. In the email I asked her why shed do that to me. Threaten to dissolve the business. One way or another you need to sleep. Im being drip fed info now even about the biz. Just sayin. He doesnt like the fact he cannot have his own way. He is just furious b/c you are messing up his plan. Big sigh. (I hate her btw). Just lucky H has never been cheated on. H: I dont know what to do. I meet my H in my 20s. Even offensive OW who come here occasionally to spout their agenda. Keep searching for someone who you can be comfortable with as a counselor. WTF was he thinking??? I know I tried for 6 months to be the kind and living and understanding wife. You have made me cry with your compassion and wisdom. Its been close to four weeks since my last hectic post and Im healing slowly but surely. Its all youre fault his poor sons penis HAD to fall into another womans available vagina!!! He needs to be tall, have his own place, etc. How Much Time Do You Want to Spend With Your Partner? Matter of fact she died last month. My grandfather stopped the cycle of family insanity and was a wonderful husband, father, and grandfather. Once the papers are signed I will have some sort of comfort and order going forward. So in THs story there was a huge turnaround. Hugs sister, Thanks Doug, Satori, Trying Hard and the TFW. All Rights Reserved. Let's say an anxious and suspicious character, fear of a large number of people at a wedding. She showed no sign of caring if I left. Satori. Codependency is a need for approval from others due to low self esteem and yearning for affection. You have suffered a trauma. There was a purity before the affair. My H tried to gain access well after he had left and the codes had all been changed so he isnt exactly short on entitlement / slippery ethics either. Shed go to bed and Id follow later. [3] On June 2, 2005, Wilbanks pleaded no contest to this charge. For the record, he denied it. But in the meantime you cannot let him wear you down and destroy everything you have worked for in the process. As I was busily watering my new garden if his things up pulls my sisters and niece. Theres childhood issues and other issues behind this. My MIL is as strong in her faith as anyone I know but she was listening to my wife so morals be damned! Im clearly not as important, I almost feel I was an escape route and a buffer zone from them and it probably looked good from the outside. It is high anxiety having to keep the business together and not fall apart personally. LOL lots of them reach for that childhood stuff and just as with any other doctor you have to reel them back in and say Im not dealing with that right now. I liked it better when you were dirty. I used to think those firm women were bitches. 2015 was a wreck. The other thing Im trying to do is more meditation. I cant blindly trust you no one would! Please get an attorney and counselor for yourself. Thanks Puzzled! How we can do it. They did hurt us and it never happens, or seldom, once. At some point they gave up and figured out that the marriage could never be repaired. I dont ever recall reading that someone doesnt comment here because there are swear words. And if he hates losing control of things that will irk him to no end. Regardless, its the supportive message that is important and that is what you get here, support. But then theres another text or call. | I believe its a timing thing and I have no idea what her motivation is. SatoriLOLOLOL nah too much work. I cant get that feeling anywhere else.. In fact I had lawyers coming up to ME and reassuring me I was the one with all the balls in my court. He said no so I called a friend and made arrangements for him to stay with a friend. Still not sleeping even pills dont work. Thanks ladies. We can only hope that they wise up and return to being the person we believed in and love before the affair. It meant something to me as well.took me months to get over it and fall asleep beside him. What are the reasons forcing you to put your loved one so recently in such a humiliating position, not to mention your own and his loved ones who were preparing for the wedding and invited relatives and acquaintances to it? That summer we had spent traveling France and scuba diving in Corsica. Our minds can be our greatest friend or our worst enemy. I know it doesnt seem like it now but he is lost right now. I went to a MC, a psychiatrist (for meds), and two different therapists for the better part of 4 years. What matters most is they dont do it again. Plus Italian men are great for the ego my dear Just do it. SatoriThis was in my inbox this morning. Then along comes Mr. Wehavetotalk Well I cleaned up what I had done put everything away and told him YOU get someone here NOW to finish this stripping and painting. And Id love to hear what your wife said too, LOL SI OK so I pasted your response and Im going to type my equivalence next to it. Worried about my financial future. And I cut off communications. And he said it seriously too. And I realized the only thing I could have done had I known he was unhappy was to suggest IC for him. Satori- Havent seen any posts from you so just wondering how you are doing and how things are going for you. So many people are not that smart during all the mayhem of DDays and discovery. So sorry to overload. I am his wife. they are loathe to get involved. This in about two weeks from when he left me. ???? It is possible whatever thougjts he has May change after he is living on his own. As in whether he was going to stay M or leave me. Even on business phone calls to my accountant or property manager. Yes, the continued lying, cheating, protecting HIM is painful. A lot of dancing. Then if you D there is no guilt in that area. Managed things quite nicely and no big issues. After her husband told her he was leaving, he turned into a person she did not recognize. Thank you for sharing that. Hearing others stories of betrayal and survival can be very empowering. You really think he is starting to recognize? We still have a lot to sort out, but Im sure after H has visited OW and sealed the deal over the holidays, he will come back fully charged with testosterone, ego-stroked and spoiling for a fight. I am still confused.and will probably never understand what went so very wrong. And its hard to do when your heart is screaming NO. Deal with the issues. Pigs. The betrayed spouse never saw it coming and has no chance to talk about why. Im glad you are keeping your circle small. Tell him YOUR bottom line.and back away. I was so concerned about not upsetting the little ones I had to push everything down for several hours. I can only imagine their discomfort holy fuck Im stuck on a 3 hour flight with a woman crying next to me! Of that I am certain. Santori. Scared of it all. Only in this case it is possible to forget about such a phobia, like the runaway bride syndrome. But its the emotional abuse that is worse to me than the infidelity. Doesnt answer any WhatApp message, doesnt answer any call. Negative beliefs about marriage can really change. Satori and Puzzled I mean you would have to be some kind of hard hearted bitch not to understand what a sad little sausage he is. I would literally wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing as though I were running. She was the Queen of Cordiality kind to everyone and her rule was that if she did not have something nice to say directly to someone, then she wouldnt anything. Youd think Id have been angry or sad or even smug at my retribution if that night. I totally agree with both of you. We all choose our path to R or to D. I chose to love unconditionally trying every day to live with grace, humility, and forgiveness. They work in societally-approved professions and are successful at what they do: business, church, medical field, law. 24 hours later at the dinner, he was as shut down and pouting as Ive seen him. So yes Doug and LInda have been a Godsend and I didnt find this place until about two years out from DDay. And perhaps those of you that are reading who never comment, feel some sort of connection to us. They act out, having multiple affairs, mistresses, girlfriends, boyfriends, secretly on the side. But they are confident a solid back-up or perhaps several back-ups exist otherwise they would not leave. Even might answer the what have I done? question for him. My oldest children were college and high school aged. Being the architect of my own happiness is what really messed with his plans since he cared not one bit what happened to me in the wake of his leaving. My RAGE was all consuming!!! Sometimes we just dont have enough to give when dealing with our own grief. I am refusing to tell him / show him as I feel this is the part of his growth and as far as Im concerned he truly has to step up on his own. But we dont have anything like it here although you can get garden variety restraining orders. And thats the truth. I was terrified to get up in the morning. They began a torrid highly charged sexual A. LOL. Im wavering for how long I stick at it, as Im worried about recovery and how deep down the well I could go if I dont set some sort of a clear path soon. No one can make this choice for him. Satori Weathering lifes storms is a true test of ines fortitude. I was able to get through it with no sleep for 3 months and PTSD and anxiety thru the roof. He could not stop crying. I have to say I have found that modern society has very little tolerance for grief. My daughter said later that I should have called her at work to come get the little girls but I didnt think to even do that. But clearly he doesnt think he has any problems. Youve got a ton going for you!! Puzzled. I am leaning towards my MIL as emissary (or as TryingHard called it a fishing expedition) in search of hard info and to take the temperature on what the general vibe was towards her son. But it can be worth it if both of you are willing to do the work. See you recognize an isdue and deal with it. H blew me off and canceled the first meeting (dont ask). You will find someone else. You know its like being between death and living. Satori I am so sad for you. I chose to act with love when I was treated with hate. Such unfortunate suitors often say that "the friend turned out to be lazy, she cannot really cook, but what can we say about the family then?". That is a serious litigation used against OW very successfully and people have been awarded millions. ]. Im still considering that as an option, just wanted to see how the next week plays out and if she is still in touch with my H. You cant Whatsapp your way out of the federal court system here! Thank you for your insights. He wouldnt answer his phone. Im trying to communicate there are serious issues here. Au contraire Satori!! You are very wise when you say my confused H will drown everyone. I treated him with kid gloves. I was sooo groomed, it is nuts how much I made him the epicenter of my life. 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